The Poo on the Poo Story

I have a few things to say in response to the comments (posted and private) that I received on my last post about the poo playdate:

1.  No way could I make that up.  That would be sick.  Too gross for fiction is what I’m saying; it was a HUGE poo.  From someone else’s kid.  Who wasn’t even in a diaper.  Just…gross.

2.  It would be super fun to write a book, and I’m thinking about doing theNaNoWriMo, but only if Cat promises to do it too.  Promises me in writing on my blog.  Like a virtual pinky promise.

3.  Even though usually my kids are usually the bad ones, and I own that, I just want to point out that in the poo story my daughter was not the one with the poo.

4.  Why hasn’t anyone shared their bad story yet?

5.  And the tomatos…I thought everyone knew about that.  But if you want the run down Paige podcasted about it on mommycast and you can hear about it there.  But it isn’t funny to me yet so I’m not going there.  They were everywhere

6.  And finally the pocket version of the Tide story is that once upon a time Ellie and Kaitlin decided to lock themselves in Ellies room with the Tide, strip naked, smear tide into the carpet and on themselves, and then cry because they were too slippery to open the door.  It was right after we had moved into the new house and we hadn’t removed the locking door knobs off of the kids’ doors yet.  Obviously that was a mistake.

So there you go.  Now come on…share!


3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Nick said,

    Playgroup… really??

    Ok. So I host playgroup in my house at least once a month. This happens when you belong to more than one group (because you have more than one child…) and as an active member of the group to host based on a rotation schedule. Last month I hosted multiple times in the same week… it was ugly!! But we got past it…
    Today was my turn again… no big deal…. Not really…except….

    Remember back in school, there was always that kid who changed the whole vibe of the group, the whole group dynamic? The one who you hoped wouldn’t show up to an event… Some things never change!!

    There are only three rules to playgroup:
    1. Leave your shoes at the door (I mean, how hard are flip-flops to take off…we live in the desert after all!)
    2. Please eat only in the tiled areas/ kitchen, nook, dining areas of the house
    3. You must play nicely with others

    No big deal… not really. Except…what do I do when I can’t follow rule #3 because a PARENT can’t follow the first two rules and WON’T enforce them with her kids???!!!!! AARRGGHHHHH!

    (WARNING: Heated venting to follow: )
    So… this mom shows up to playgroup. Instead of leaving her shoes at the door, she walks all the way into the family room and then takes off hers and her son’s shoes and stuffs them under the ottoman, leaving her daughter’s on for the whole playgroup. Why is this a problem? Well…there are crawlers who try to eat her shoes which were dirty and tracked in some brown yucky stuff onto my tile (I am telling myself that it’s just caked on mud/dirt!)

    Then, not 3 minutes later, she takes a treat (chocolate filled crescent round) and hands it to her daughter (about 20 months) and sits her on one of the ride-on toys to eat it! AARRGGHH!!!! This is not a tidy treat to eat, although tasty, and she makes a huge mess, spilling chocolate and flakey pastry into the toy’s compartments… and onto the floor, etc. Being the problem solver that I am, I simply lift said child off the toy and seat her at the child-size picnic table (which I have cleaned up and brought indoors for such a purpose) and then take the ride-on toy over to the kitchen sink where I shake it vehemently upside down in an attempt to get all the “treasures” out before making an even larger mess in my house. Child cries, her mom wonders how she got there…HELLO???!!!

    Meanwhile her son, almost 3, is jumping on my ottoman like it’s a trampoline. I mean he is getting some serious air! We have already had to replace one of the support beams in it, and are always reminding our children not to jump on the furniture. So, I politely ask him to stop jumping, so that he doesn’t get hurt. He looks at me and then jumps to the sofa and back… like so what??! This is while his mom is explaining (bragging) that said son does front flips and never attended a class or anything… She is sooo proud. He continues to jump like a spring all over my furniture until the other moms (not his, of course) start asking him to stop.

    Finally (WHEW!) she gathers up her kids and leaves. I only know this because they are no longer here… not because she said “goodbye” or (heaven forbid!) “thank you for letting my children run amok and destroy your house!”

    Disclaimer: I am not a neat freak! There was spilled juice, toys everywhere and children playing in almost every room of my house. I expect that to happen, and I plan to clean up after playgroup. I even enjoy having these moms and their little ones over…

    As long as they follow the rules!

  2. 2

    cat said,

    Duh! So here’s my virtual pinky promise.

  3. 3

    katrina said,

    unfortunately all the horrible stories are from my own children. no other dna needed for craziness.

    our poop story is when we were potty training elijah he would wear pull ups at night and would hate having a wet or dirty diaper. one night i smelled a horrible poop smell permeating the entire house. it was incredibly nasty. i thought it was a diaper in the trash, but alas it was not. i ran upstairs fearing the worst, and that’s what i got. james had taken the poop out of elijah pull up and they had been throwing it down the heating vent. heat and poop don’t mix.
    shell – this is just one story. my book would already be too freaking long.

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