Missing Brain Parts

Sometimes Dave Barry talks about missing brain parts.  I’m glad he does because it makes me feel better that a successful and famous person has deficiencies similar to mine.  I’m hoping that sharing the saga of my missing brain parts will bouy you up at this Christmas season. 

Not that I am particularly successful or famous, but still, I do make a nice holiday punch.

So, the parts.  The brain parts I am missing are the very ones that allow most people (don’t be smug here) to keep their lives organized  in such a way that they actually do the things they are supposed to do and show up at the places they are supposed to show up at; they keep track of appointments, and use the calendar programs on their computers.

Believe me, I have tried using the outlook calendar, but you have to type things in…and then remember to look at it.

So anyway, a lot of the time I can fake like I know how to do this.  Probably some people think I’m an actual grown up even.  But then a weekend like this one comes along and I am firmly reminded of my missing brain parts!

On Saturday morning Jonathan’s Odyssey of the Mind team met at our house.  After they left I took my cookies and white elephant gift over to Dayna’s holiday party.  Then I rushed home to finish cleaning and cooking for the small holiday thingie Marc and I were hosting that night.

So far so good. 

Then said small party begins, everything is going well, blah, blah, blah, and then THE DUMBWAITER NEXT TO THE FIREPLACE CATCHES ON FIRE. 

This was fairly awful but our new friends are so nice that after a little fire extinguisher entertainment from Marc, they all helped open windows, scooped up the food, and retreated to the eat in kitchen to finish partying.  Obviously, I invited the right people.


So Sunday morning I pop up like a daisy to write the twenty minute talk that I am to deliver in church.  And no, I couldn’t have written it earlier in the week because I don’t know how to organize myself that way.  Pay attention.  The talk went well, meaning primarily that although I could feel my face turning beet red, I did not pass out or speak in tongues.

After church Marc goes back to the office and I proceed to deal with dinner, children, and cleaning up the fine and tasteful flocking that ash and the fire extinguisher have left all over the front rooms of our home.

Okay, so this is all normal, right?  I mean, as busy as it was, everyone has weekends like this sometimes, yes?  Please say yes.  But here comes the bad part.  Get ready for it…the brain parts, the complaining, it’s all going to come together now.

On Monday morning I awoke feeling totally not-up-to-the-task.  I didn’t want to finish cleaning, or pay bills, or get the flat on Marc’s car fixed.  Ellie mentioned that she wanted to stay home and I took the low road and said okay.  Because I didn’t want to fight with her either.  But then around 10 am, I remembered that it was her field trip day.  Ahhhhhhhhh!  And worse, I was supposed to be there chaperoning as the first graders walked from their school, through downtown, and to the theater where they were to see “The Velveteen Rabbit.”

See?  See?  Missing brain parts!  There is no other way to explain it!

So I did the only reasonable thing.  I slid to the floor like Lilo in Lilo and Stitch and moaned, “no, no, no, I cannot take this.”  I’m sure it was lovely.  And just then Marc came in, assessed the situation, knelt beside me and gently patted me on the back saying, “can you drive me to BART now?” 

Ellie and I were able to catch up with her class about midway through their walk and we both sulked our way through the play.

So there it is.  Like I said, I blame it on my missing brain parts.  If you have similar problems, I hope this is comforting.  If you don’t, I imagine it is even more comforting.  Either way, consider this my gift to you.  Merry Christmas.


8 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Brandy Anderson said,

    what’s a dumbwaiter?
    Merry Christmas! love. Brandy

  2. 2

    Jan said,

    Ah Shelley, I miss you soooooo much! Just think how fine it is that you have a house that actually has a dumbwaiter, how unbelievably charming, at least until it went up in flames.

    I see you have some very nice-looking new friends, that makes this very old friend miss you all.
    Merry Christmas!

  3. 3

    Shawni said,

    Hey, Claire and I just went and saw The Velveteen Rabbit with her class today. Funny. And, if it make you feel any better, I’m sure…absolutely sure…I’m missing many more brain parts than you. As I remember, you were always the one on top of it…the great recipes, the great parties, the organized mother. So at least you fooled me!

    Hey, I need your new address for Christmas cards. Yours is sitting right here with a stamp all on it with no address. You can e-mail me back at shawnipothier at gmail dot com or just wrrite it on my blog ok? Thanks. Miss you guys!

  4. 4

    Shawni said,

    oh, by the way, is that Jan Signore’s comment up there? Do I know that Jan?

  5. 5

    Gretchen said,

    So, not once but twice in the last month we had a fire in the fireplace but didn’t open the damper. And then when we tried to correct it, it got jammed. Our house filled with smoke. We don’t own a fire extinguisher. So, I just poured a lot of water into our fireplace. Even more smoke and steam came out. And then, because the hearth is not level, all of the ashy, sooty water ran to the carpet. And, yes, we were having company for dinner too. Merry Christmas right back at you!

  6. 6

    Gretchen said,

    BTW…..hate seeing new friends taking old friend spots 😦

  7. 7

    Aunt Colleen said,

    Honey, you could resort to an old fashioned paper calendar–that’s what I still do. Much faster and always easily accessible.

    So sorry about the fire mess at your party (how scary is that?), but it looks like you had fun in the kitchen.

  8. 8

    Paige said,

    I am so glad I am not the only one. Thank you and Merry Christmas.

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